Andrew Donald Bain (Don) –
In 1980, my older brother, Don, was
diagnosed with pseudo-masticular carcinoma. That’s Cancer, with a capital C.
Three years older than my twin brother and me, Don was like many older brothers
and first-borns. He was perfect! Please understand that, all these years later,
I still believe he was perfect. Mom believes he was perfect. Dad believed he
was perfect. I suppose that Don was not really perfect, he just seemed like it.
He was a good looking guy, a good athlete, had the lead in all the school
plays, got great grades, and dated the best looking girls. He played the piano
by ear and could sing just as well. He was funny, caring, and understanding. He
wrote beautifully. I idolized him. Don played football, so I played football.
Don acted in our high-school plays, so I acted (poorly, I might add) in our
high-school plays. When he was a senior and I was a freshman, Don played the
Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz. I
auditioned for, and got, a bit part as a Winkie. For those of you who are not
familiar with the original stage version of the show, the Winkie was modified
slightly in the more famous movie to be the wicked witch’s tall green guards.
These were then augmented with the flying monkeys. Imagine a freshman boy in
high school, dressed entirely in yellow (not green), including yellow tights,
and bounding around the stage like a crazed canary. You get the picture. Don
was a star. I was a bit player, but willing to thoroughly embarrass myself to
be around him. I cannot remember a time in my life that I laughed more and
enjoyed myself more than in the rehearsals and performances of that high school
production with Don. I can still do the better part of each of his songs and
lines. In my eyes, he WAS perfect and I wanted to be just like him.
After one year of college, Don
transferred from Miami of Ohio to Indiana University to join his high school
sweetheart Lynne, who, not surprisingly, played the part of Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. A year later, they were
married, with only reluctant approval from Mom and Dad, principally because
they were so young. They finished college. Don joined the Navy as an Officer
and followed his Navy stint with Law School. Following Law School, Don clerked
for U.S. District Court Judge, S. Hugh Dillon in Indianapolis. Everything was
coming up roses for my perfect big brother. Then, as in most lives, things
began to change.
Don and Lynne were growing up and,
predictably, growing apart. Divorce soon followed with no children to
complicate the issues. Mildly disheartened with his “failed” marriage, Don
moved to Los Angeles, joining my twin brother, Bob, in the westward movement of
the Bain family and started his career as an attorney. He was 29.
Around Christmas time, slightly more
than a year into his new career and new life, Don discovered a small lump in
his neck, right at the jaw line. Not wanting to spoil the holiday, he waited
until shortly after New Year’s Day to see a doctor. The doctor suggested that
he keep an eye on it and scheduled an appointment three weeks later. By then,
the lump was the size of a baseball. Surgery in late January was followed with
radiation therapy. Those of us who were inclined to do so, prayed. The rest of
the family crossed their fingers. In May, Don and Bob were standing in line
waiting to order a hamburger at McDonalds. Bob looked at Don’s neck and asked,
“it’s back, isn’t it?” The cancer had come back. By now, we knew it was in his
lymphatic system and the prospects were dire. He moved home to Indiana from
California in June. Coincidentally, I completed my tour with the U.S. Air Force
that same month and moved back to Indiana to start my career working with Dad
in the insurance business. Don lived, if you call slowly dying living, with Mom
and Dad. We all watched in complete helplessness and despair as his health and
his will to fight waned. Don died in October of 1981. He is still missed
terribly by all who knew him.
Respectfully submitted,
Jim Bain (WLHS ’71)
Oh man, Don's passing is just as raw today as if it happened last week. And you're right, Jim, Don really was about as perfect as they come. He was blessed with looks and talents yet remained humble. I think of him often, always fondly, and imagine what his life would be like if he had lived. A Hollywood acting career? Movies? Stage? Law? A little known fact about Don is he was the first among us to record a golf eagle 2 on a par four hole. It was in junior high if my memory serves me, and it was on the third hole on the Elks golf course on US 52 past Morris Bryant. And it was with a seven iron. I like to think he's somewhere enchanting those around him with his charm and his intellect, just like always.
ReplyDeleteTom (Finnegan) Hamilton
Thanks for this, Jim. I still remember so many good times with Don -- trapping (he grew to hate it long before I did and he was right), Jr Audubon Society, BB guns, climbing trees near Smitty's, the Tom Sawyer Club (he was Tom, I was Huck), going with me to my grandparents' farm (stopping over in Hannibal on the way), golfing, the Frenchmen (our Beatles-Dave Clark Five knockoff for the 8th grade talent show -- he'd say, "Come on, Ned. Just sing on key." I had no idea what he was talking about.), football, basketball, and writing stories. All these years and I miss him. He almost got me to try out for a play once too, but it conflicted with track practice. I could have ended up dancing around in yellow tights too, and I know we'd have laughed ourselves silly.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jim... my Scarecrow forever and Harold Hill to myTommy Djilas in THE MUSIC MAN... was an honor to have known him and he was perfect to anyone with a lick of sense...
ReplyDeleteJim, I "knew" Don only as guy in the class before mine who seemed popular, and was clearly a "nice guy". I remember him as one who smiled a lot and was active a lot various things in our high school. You have beautifully shown a lot about your brother as a much larger person, one with a huge heart and significant accomplishments given that he died at around the age of 30. Thank you very much for sharing so much with all of us. I hope that others and you will feel free to share whatever you remember including (more) pictures both literally and figuratively here where we all sit 37 years later as "older" people. Thanks for sharing what you remember - so many more of us can learn and appreciate a wonderful person. I am really glad that I sought you out, with the assistance of Debby Tatlock Smilely and persisted in pushing you to send me "something". You shared much, much more and I'm thankful that you did! (George Marx)
ReplyDeleteThomas Sawyer I knew Don in high school; not well but I knew him. I was also on the football team and graduated in ‘68. I had heard the class of ‘68 had lost Don, but was completely unaware of what he had done after we graduated and the circumstances surrounding his death. Thanks for sharing the story.
ReplyDeleteChip Owen Thanks for sharing this
Libby Mickley Weinstein Thank you Jim....
Juley Troyer Ness What a beautiful tribute to your wonderful and talented brother,Jim. I was in school with him from first grade through graduation in 1968. He was as kind and interesting a guy as one could ever know. Thank you for sharing with us.
Marquitta Meade Just like Juley, I was in Roberta Gibson’s first grade class with Don, and then through the next 12 years, until graduation. Admirable, talented, genuine, and truly a nice guy. And to Jim Bain, thank you for bringing his memory back so vividly for all of us. I’m sure you’ve missed him in your life every day since.
Ned Stuckey-French Thank you, George Marx, and thank you, Jim Bain.
I still remember so many good times with Don --going to each other's birthday parties, trapping (he grew to hate it long before I did and he was right), Jr Audubon Society, BB guns, climbing trees near , the Tom Sawyer Club (he was Tom, I was Huck), going with me to my grandparents' farm (stopping over in Hannibal on the way), golfing, the Frenchmen (our Beatles-Dave Clark Five knockoff for the 8th grade talent show -- he'd say, "Come on, Ned. Just sing on key." I had no idea what he was talking about.), football, basketball, and writing stories. All these years and I miss him. He almost got me to try out for a play once too, but it conflicted with track practice. I could have ended up dancing around in yellow tights too, and I know we'd have laughed ourselves silly.
Kit Kildahl Don was a really good drummer and singer too. We had a good band for a while—my brother Nick and I on guitars, the late Ed Frickey on bass, and Don on the tubs. Just a sweetheart of a guy.....
Margie Moreen Largura I had no idea this had happened in your family. It breaks my heart. He certainly did sound perfect but I always thought you twins were too. Thx for sharing this sweet tribute to your big brother.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Jim. To me, Don was your and Bob's older brother and seemingly perfect - handsome, athletic, talented, and popular, and just as you described. He is so very missed to all who knew him. I am glad there is a scholarship in his name.
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